Prologue:

 

            He looked at the clock. 11:42 pm.  Darkness engulfed his vision as he dropped the glass of water.  My God what have I done, he thought.  He tried to speak but to no avail.  He could sense the commotion that was underway to save his life.  He lay there in the dark, helpless.  He wanted to cry out, "I didn't mean to do this!  It was a mistake!"  He could hear the emergency workers, with their American accents, talking above him, shouting orders at one another.  He could feel them lifting him on to the stretcher and wheeling him about, then lifting the wheels beneath it so they could put him in an ambulance.  He couldn't see this, but he knew what was going on. 

            No one knew who he was at the moment.  They were working to save him not because he was third in line to the English throne, but because he was a dying man who needed to be saved.  And he was grateful for that.

            He was sitting on a bench in a park.  A woman was sitting next to him.  She looked at him, and smiled.  It was that radiant smile he missed so much.  "Hi mum," he said sadly. 

            "Harry, my darling boy," she said as she softly touched his face.   She shook her head slightly.  "What's happened to you?  Why did you do this?"

            "I don't know.  Things got a bit overwhelming, I suppose," he said lamely.  He thought he should elaborate, but decided against it.  As the tears started to come down his face, he put his head on Diana's shoulder.  He was content to be with his mother.

            She kissed his head gently.  "I have to send you back, Harry.  William needs you."  An intense pain shot through his body, and the vision disappeared, then reappeared.  "I'll always be with you."

            "Mummy, no," he began to weep as another sharp pain shot through his body.  This time it was more painful.  Diana and the park disappeared.  The last sound he heard before he drifted off to something that resembled sleep, was the beep of the machines that they had hooked him up to in the emergency room.

 

*~~*~~*~~*~~*

 

Chapter One: William's First Visit

 

            He opened his eyes, and saw a glowing white light all around him.  He thought he really had died.  As that thought began to register as a possible fact, he heard the door open and close softly.  He blinked as the nurse came around the curtain, scaring her.

            "Oh! You're awake.  I didn't expect that," she said, trailing off.  He tried to speak to her but his vocal chords failed him.  She noticed the attempt and said, "It's all right, dear.  Don't try to speak.  Just rest."  He closed his eyes again, falling into a deep sleep.  "I wonder why he felt he had no other way out," she said to herself as she left the room.

            He opened his eyes again, this time feeling more rested.  He looked around the room.  Clearly, the walls were all painted white, with a border that looked as though it should have resembled blue dots, but failed in its task.  He turned his head to the right, causing the room to spin.  He closed his eyes, willing himself to regain his equilibrium.  Once he did, he opened his eyes again.

            He saw a figure laying with its head by his feet.  It was William. Suddenly, the child in him took over, and he did something he hadn't done since they were children having sleepovers in each other's rooms. He kicked him.  Gently, at first, just a nudge.  At that nudge, William began to snore…loudly.  Oh no, he thought to himself, shaking his head.  He kicked Wills harder, causing him to jerk awake with a start.

            "WHAT?!?!" Wills looked around the room, panicked.  Harry laughed at his fear.

            "Hey," Harry said, his voice still hoarse.

            "Hi.  How are you feeling?" Wills asked him.

            "I've had better days.  Are we still in New York?"

            "Yeah, which should give us soe time before the papers get word of it.  There's something else though Harry," Wills said.  He rose from his chair, and began to pace.

            Harry stared at him.  "What?"  William stopped pacing, and began to shift his weight from one foot to another, something he only did when nervous.

            "Um, well, there's no easy way to say it…Harry you're going to have to stay here a while…"

            "How long?" Harry asked urgently.

            "A lot longer than you think."

            "What do you mean?"

            "Well…I spoke to the doctors, and they said that if you come under the circumstances you did, you have to stay on one of the wards until they can prove you aren't a danger to yourself or to anyone else."  William stood there trying to gauge his brother's reaction.  Harry was shocked.

            "You can't possibly be serious.  I'm not crazy, GOD DAMMIT!! I'M NOT CRAZY!!!!"

            "I know that, just calm down," Wills started, trying not to get upset himself.  "But they won't let you leave without at least evaluating you first."

            "Where's dad?  Surely he can do something about this??"

            "Yeah, that's the other bad news.  Harry, Dad's not going to come for a little while…at least a couple of days."

            "Why not?"

            "He doesn't want this getting out.  And if he came, it would be inviting press coverage.  So remember that story about my wanted to move here?"

            "Vaguely," Harry said sarcastically.

            "Well, that's the pretense.  I'm looking for an apartment here.  And after a while, Dad will come because I want him to see the apartment…"

            "So now I'm just another one of Dad's cover ups," Harry blurted out, his face contorting to show his rage and pain.

            "Harry, you know that isn't true…"

            "The hell it's not!  I'm always the one to screw up, aren't I, Wills?"

            "That's not…"

            "And when I screw up, you all go out of your fucking way to cover it up, succeeding most of the time.  That's all I am to you isn't it?  Just a bloody stain on the family name!"

            "Harry, you know DAMN WELL THAT ISN'T TRUE!!"  Wills was screaming now, fed up with Harry's accusations.  "You're my brother.  I love you.  We all do, and we hating seeing you like this.  I'm not an idiot.  I know you've been depressed lately, but do you have ANY idea what would happen if all this got out??"

            "Oh of course not.  I've been living under a rock my whole life; but now that I've had a better look…OOPS ! It's not a rock…it's my closed off, self centered, TWO FACED, WHINEY ASSED, CAN'T HANDLE THE PRESSURE SO I DON'T WANT TO BE KING BROTHER!!!!!!"

            "YEAH you've always resented me for that, haven't you?  The fact that I don't want to be King as much as you do.  If you want the bloody job so badly, you can have it.  Oh yeah, Mum would love the way we're getting on today."

            "Wills, I'm not dad.  Using Mum to shut me up isn't going to work.  And I really hate you for using her as your fucking trump card!  After everything that we all went through, and after all this time, you still use her to get what you want, and I really do hate you for it!!"

            "Fine.  You hate me so bleeding much, I'll leave."

            "Fine."

            "Good."

            "Good."  With that, William stormed out of the hospital room, almost knocking down the two doctors that were coming in.

            "Sorry," he muttered, more to himself than to them.

            "Harry?"  the doctor asked, apprehensively.

            "What the hell do you want?  Who are you?"

            "I'm Dr. Rothman, and this is Jesse.  He'll be sitting in on the evaluation, unless you don't want him to, in which case, he'll leave."

            "Do what you want."

            "Ok."  The doctor must have been used to verbal abuse, because his demeanor didn't change.  He entered the room in a disgustingly cheerful mood and he would leave that way.  He pulled a chair up to the bed, and Jesse sat where William had been sitting earlier.  "OK Harry, why did…"

            "Because I hate my life and everyone in it, with the possible exception of a few people."

            "Well, that answered one of my questions," Dr. Rothman said, taking notes, "but not the one I was going to ask.  Do you understand why you were brought here?"

            "Hmm…I suppose my suicide attempt had something to do with it," Harry responded bitterly.

            "You tried to kill yourself.  That's a very big deal.  It means something is wrong somewhere and it’s our job, not to fix it, but to find out what it is and give you better ways to cope.  How does that sound?"

            "Like a load of bullshit."  Harry smiled sarcastically.

            "Ok, so we're going to fill this out," the doctor said, pulling out a wad of papers.

            "You have to fill all THAT out?" Harry asked, a look of terror passing over his face.

            "Yup."

            "I'll be here forever!"

            "It's not as much as you think.  Some of it, probably most of it, won't apply to you."

            "Ok Ok, let's just get started.  This is confidential, right?"

            "Absolutely.  No one can see these papers without your consent."

            "Not even my family?"

            "Not even them.  Just me and Jesse.  If I need to show them to another doctor, I'll let you know, and you'll have to sign a consent form first."

            "All right, let's get this evaluation going."